I believe there is an ever-increasing need to use a secular way of explaining spiritual matters. In our day and age many people, even Christians, do not accept argumentation based on ‘Spiritual’ or ‘Biblical’ reasoning. One very spiritually based controversial topic is pre-marital sex, and I have learned that many people do not accept ‘God says no’ or “Theology of the Body”as a legitimate reason.
This statement is normally the basic ground I take to convince secular people that sex should be reserved till after marriage: “Those who are monogamous and wait till marriage have the best sex they ever could – because its the only sex they’ll ever know.”
Why wouldn’t you want the sex you will have forever in marriage to be the only sex you’ll ever know? Sex is very powerful, as anyone who has had it can attest. It is psychologically, emotionally, and physically consuming and creates strong levels on attachment and attraction toward another person. To have this before marriage is very dangerous. When you have premarital sex there are 3 negative effects I can explain without using anything Religious to dissuade people who believe there is no fault in it.
The Memory of the Past
If you have sex before you are married you are creating strong memories that will last your whole life. As I said, sex is very powerful and it creates strong bonds between two people. You also can prefer one persons ‘lovin’ more than another. The psychological difficulties which develop from such carefree sexual activity can be very damaging for a marital relationship. When you are having sex with your spouse, the person you will be having sex with exclusively for the entirety of your life, you will involuntarily be comparing your spouse’s performance with your past experiences. Not only does this cause a very weird imbalance for your psychological feelings and emotions, but it creates an unstable relationship. Your spouse is insecure that they do not measure up. Or you find yourself having flashbacks of previous relationships while having an intimate experience with your spouse.
Your Own Gift
You can only give yourself away for the first time once. Now this might sound cheesey, but when you think about it makes sense. Virginity is exclusively yours and it is the one thing you can give to someone totally and completely. If you have sex before you are married with one or even multiple partners you have already given away all you can. It isn’t special anymore. It is a gift that has been re-gifted, and no one likes to receive a gift that’s already been opened dented and then re-wrapped haphazardly. Think about this concept. When you meet ‘The One’, the person who makes you feel as none have felt, the person you cannot live without, don’t you want to do everything you can for them. If you’ve ever been in love you know the intense feeling of self-gift that overwhelms you. However, if you are too hasty and too quick to give that gift, then it might be wasted. That is why is is so important to wait till after marriage to have sex, you truly can give a UNIQUE and SPECIAL gift to your spouse that is exclusively his.
Relationship for Sex or Relationship and Sex
When two people come together in a relationship they have two options: wait till marriage or indulge now. Most of those who choose to indulge now sacrifice a lot in doing so that will continue to affect them the rest of their lives. However, those who wait till marriage may have to sacrifice for the time being, but they will be heavily rewarded in the long term. When you decide that sex is off limits, the relationship can truly be built on virtues: on patience, self-respect, self-sacrifice, trust and responsibility. The relationship will still be fueled by the desire to please the other person, however the two people are working toward a common goal. Meanwhile they can enjoy every touch, every embrace, every time they hold hands individually. When they do finally achieve that goal and get married, sex is a reward that is beyond their dreams. Their wedding night is everything romance should be. The two of them will truly be turning two lives into one, giving each other themselves unreservedly, and committing themselves to the other mind body and soul. If you’ve been having sex the whole relationship, sex is already old hat by the time the wedding rolls around. The wedding night is special, but definitely not as special as it should be.
To Sum it Up
Without mentioning God at all, which as a theology major pains me because this explanation can be enhanced greatly with his Wisdom, I think it is easy to see why “those who are monogamous have the best sex they ever could – because it’s the only sex they’ll ever know” is definitely not a negative thing. There are statistics that prove that Christian couples who wait till marriage for sex truly will enjoy sex with their partner more fully and longer than the couple who has had sex with multiple partners and not worked hard together to grow in other ways before enjoying the completeness of the other person.
The Young and Restless Catholic 